|A new little owl bead I made. I like a picture in every blog post. |
I just couldn't find a suiting one so....
I thought an owl picture would be second best ^^
I can't tell you how glad I am that 2013 is finally over. Damn 2013.
I always try on new years eve or better at midnight to really allow all the bad things that happened and all the emotions I mostly push to the side to be functional to come up. All of it. To give them room, to give them tears... I don't want to take all the pain with me in a new year. It is my own personal ritual for over ten years now since my mother died due to cancer. It is not always perfectly working, how could it? But it is helping me to breath a little deeper again, with a little bit less weight. I am very good at hiding all painful emotions so deep inside of me that it sometimes seems there are not even existent. Allowing myself to be not functional at this time of the year, just to let it go, to cross the last year out with a big red line. Rituals are helpful in life.
I lost all my little ones just in one year, Dean, Grusel and Bisu. There were also other problematic things happening but nothing compared to this lose. I still miss them every day. But I also keep it to myself because most people can't understand how you can mourn for cats, for pets, so long.
But now there is a new year ahead of me. I will make the best out of it! :)